so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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