A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
two words...techno handjob
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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