He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize