And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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