return my video game
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
