The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
this is an emotional support booty call
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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