If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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