I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
