textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
