last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
