ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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