I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
