Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
