Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
