Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
