I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
