You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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