my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i used baking grease as lip gloss
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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