Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize