What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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