So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
