So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
