Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
