Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
