you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
