Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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