I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
