Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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