she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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