yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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