"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
