got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
