haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
