My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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