Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
