I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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