I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
