I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
