At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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