i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
