Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
