dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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