mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
