out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
pray to the hookup gods
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
