I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
