She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
