She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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