Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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