I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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