The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
