all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
