uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
well, you know. whores of a feather.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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