Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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