I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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