just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
