woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
