I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
