How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize