you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
