Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
