So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
