And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
