Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
