I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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