I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize