you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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