Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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