My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
