she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All the doctor said was why
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
