It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
