hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
