There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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