Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Couch. On fire.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
